Hooah!

This post is in celebration of my brother-in-law, David, graduating from bootcamp today! We are SO very proud of him and excited to see him in this new role. He started bootcamp on January 25, 2011 and graduates today-so it's been a good amount of time. It's pretty crazy how it all played out because he had to leave his wife and newborn baby girl to start bootcamp in OK. Needless to say, it was not an ideal time for him to leave but they have all done so well (better than I could have I'm sure). God has definitely been at work while they've been apart to grow them and their love for each other.

It has been cool to read letters from him to us and other family members because he sounds like he is doing so well and like a whole new person...he sounds so grown-up! I guess the Army will do that to you though. What is really awesome to hear is that he even suggested that they have a Scripture reference put on the back of their platoon shirts and his suggestion was approved. So incredible to see God working and moving in a place that I thought He couldn't or wouldn't, but He has truly grabbed hold of David's heart and life.

So my sister, Brittany, my dad and my niece, Aniya, are all down there for David's graduation and to spend a few days with him. The rest of us wish we could have been there to see him graduate but we all are thinking about him for sure!! I know Brittany and Aniya are so enjoying themselves right now as they get to spend time with the man in their lives'. Unfortunately, they won't be able to have him with them permanently because he has to stay in OK for another 5 weeks for training and then they will be stationed somewhere and they can all be together. We are praying it's close so that we can see them often!

Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS DAVID!!! We are so proud of you! We love you and will continue to pray for you!!! :)

What I've been learning lately

So, have any of you 'bloggers' found yourselves in certain environments thinking about your next blog post? Pathetic, I KNOW!! Anyhow, I found myself doing that exact thing during this Sunday's sermon. OK, before you start calling me a heathen or something worse, let me explain :) Our Pastor is leading our church through Romans on Sunday mornings. I am thoroughly enjoying it, as I do love the book of Romans. This week Pastor Dana preached on Romans 6:1-7, and it was such a wonderful reminder and such an encouragement. I find myself at times being drug down by sin and letting it take hold of my attitude or perspective. And even over a year after the first miscarriage, I still struggle with my outlook on that and wondering if I'm a "bad Christian" because I might question God. This passage speaks to all of us who have been crucified with Christ. Sin no longer can reign over us and define us-we are set free!! Pastor Dana talked about our Union with Christ and through that union we are made new. Our old self is gone-it was crucified with Christ-and through Christ's work on the cross and His resurrection "we too might walk in newness of life" (vs. 4) How awesome is that!! We gain a new lease on life because of Christ's work on the cross....we did nothing to earn it or to help us get a new lease-we actually made it go in the other direction, but because of God's mercy and grace, we have gained. It is comforting to me to reread Scripture like this because I'm assured that I can't mess it up because I did nothing to earn it in the first place. It is only by Christ. And in dealing with feeling like I'm a bad Christian because I question God or have been angry or too 'emotional' this passage speaks to as well. Fortunately and unfortunately, the miscarriages are the hardest things that I've ever walked through in my life and in my Christian walk. And so this was the first time that my faith had ever really been tested, you could say. I was feeling emotions that I didn't think a "good Christian" should feel. It was through reading Job and talking to my sister, Crystal, and other wonderful friends and family that I was reassured that I wasn't in sin because I questioned God or was so broken-hearted. I made the mistake of thinking that the real Christian walk was pain/heartache-free because if you are in Christ then you won't feel that pain...what a misconception! I believe that it is through the testing and the trials that we come before God stripped of all titles and clothing labels and social status, and in that state is where God can transform us from old to new. It isn't until we are real in our walk with Christ that we can truly be transformed into the newness of life that Paul talks about in this passage. We can flee from sin, which is a result of what the Holy Spirit is doing in our life, and cling to Christ. So thankful for truths of God's Word like this! See Pastor Dana, I was listening even though I was thinking how applicable it was to what God was doing in my life and how I should write a post about it! :) So, what has God been teaching/reminding you lately? I would LOVE for you to share!

Stomach bug/ear infection, be gone!

So, we had quite the weekend! It started off really well-we decided to go downtown to the Washington Pavilion and check out Ag Day (Agricultural Day). No, we are not also embarking on farming along with adoption! It just sounded like something fun and different to do and it would get us out of the house. Plus, I met one of my friends, Kathy, and her son, Noah, there-Kathy and her husband are also adopting through Bethany and so we had a fun time chatting while the boys hung out. I would include some pictures but I remembered my camera once we were there and not a second too soon unfortunately! So anyway, it was pretty neat-Landon got to try to pet a baby sheep (I think that's what it was?) and shuck corn and lasso some horns on a hay bale-not sure what to call it since I'm not a country girl!

We got home and Landon 'helped' daddy buy oil and change the oil in the car. Then we just hung out and went to bed. Around 1:00 AM I heard Landon crying (which is so out of character because he is a PHENOMENAL sleeper) and so I go into his room and he is just balling saying that his right ear hurts. So I pick him and take him to the bathroom to give him some motrin because I was certain he had an ear infection. Within minutes of giving him the motrin, he starts throwing up all over me and the sink. It was sooo sad!! So, with the help of daddy, we get all cleaned up and changed and then head back to bed, except Landon doesn't feel like sleeping. He and I moved into the living room for a while and he continues throwing up for about 3 hours. One of the times he was throwing up, in between puking, he told the throw up that it was naughty and told me he hated throwing up and then continued to throw up...it was so cute and sad all at the same time! So, he and I made it back to bed for the rest of the night at 4:30. Needless to say, we skipped church for a few reasons. We took him to urgent care yesterday and he does in fact have a pretty bad ear infection. So we got some meds, and an icee, for our trooper and enjoyed the rest of our weekend playing Mario Party on the Wii and Toy Story Yahtzee for kids. I'm praying the puking does not return and the ear infection leaves quickly!

Where we are

So, now you have some background into why adoption and why now for us. We are in the very beginning stages of the adoption process. We received our packet of paperwork last Thursday and have been working on our formal application online and I will be submitting that today/tonight-as soon as I can figure out the size of our bedrooms (yes, that is asked because they want a description of your house). So, we sent off our FBI Fingerprinting on Friday before we left town to go to my parent's house in MN. However, we found out in our orientation on Monday morning that 3 spots, which were left blank on the fingerprinting cards, probably needed to be filled out. We won't know if they are going to want that information filled in for 6-8 weeks because that is how long it is taking them to process right now. Thankfully, if they do send them back and want the spots filled in then once they receive them back all filled out then they will process them right away...so we won't have to wait double the time. I still kick myself for messing them up though. I saw the empty spaces but the lady at the fingerprinting place filled out EVERYTHING else and left those blank and so I assumed (and we all know what making assumptions does :) that they were impertinent and I forgot to ask her and Travis is we should fill them in. Shoot! So, after my mild anxiety attack for messing them up, I am being much more careful to cross all t's and dot all i's, even if I ASSUME they shouldn't be crossed and dotted. :) Like I said, we did orientation on Monday and signed our contract and gave them the first check of many ;) Now we need to finish up with the background checks that we have and the other paperwork and all 3 of us have to get physicals done. Then we can start our home study once the fingerprinting comes back. My brother-in-law jokes around with me that they will find out about my drug dealin' days and I won't pass. There is a long standing joke that my husband's mom is the dealer in the family and once I joined the fam then I started the family business or something like that. See, if you know my mother-in-law or me very well then you know how far from the truth that is...so they like to hassle us. We can take it though...or get one of our 'clients' to handle them for us ;)
Anyway!! Hope everyone is having a Blessed Thursday and is soaking up this sunshine....at least in Sioux Falls it's sunny!

Continuing how I got to this point

I promise to be less long-winded this time around...I can be a bit wordsy :) And I also promise to keep it all in the same font (HA!) I'm usually pretty good with technology but it may take me some time to get this blog thing looking how I want it and functioning properly. So, anyone that wants to give a sista a hand would not be turned away!
Anyway! Going back to getting to this point....about mid-year last year everyone that I knew was turning up pregnant...all 3 of my sisters, one of my closest friends, all of the goochie girls (there was a group of 6 of us girls in college and we named ourselves that but that group can be talked about another time ;) and 2 of my 3 sisters-in-law. One thought that came to me was "Really God, REALLY???" Why were all of these important women in my life getting pregnant within months of me losing the twins....it was painful for sure! I prayed a lot that God would reveal Himself and give us some sign that hope wasn't lost and that maybe, just maybe, we could still have a large family. God answered that pray because I found out I was pregnant mid-November but we lost that baby on December 5th.
I don't say any of this evoke any sympathy or pity. I am only sharing all of this so that you can see the path and its struggles and to see what a transformation Christ has done in me and in my life. I really see a new 'me' emerging from the rubble, if you will. I hate that it took something so gut-wrenching and heartbreaking to get me to this state. I truly believe that had this not happened then I wouldn't be where I am right now in my walk and relationship with God. It took the miscarriages to make me utterly vulnerable, weak and broken; and in that state is where God really started molding me and making me into the woman that He wants me to be. As horribly debilitating as this past year has been I can honestly say that I wouldn't choose to change it. Do I miss our 3 precious babies? OF COURSE...that isn't even up for discussion! However, if this is the path that had to be taken for God to mold me and change me and make me into His image then I wouldn't change it. As long as He is glorified then it was all worth it!! What an awesome God we serve for me to be able to say all of this and mean it!!!
To completely answer how we got to this point right now of knowing that adopting was what God had for us is pretty simple....we were contacted by my sister about possibly adopting a child and God brought it back to the fore-front of our minds. It didn't work out to adopt the child my sister told me about and so we asked each other where to go next and what the point of contemplating the adoption of the child was if we weren't going to be able to do so and we talked and both agreed we felt God leading us toward pursuing adoption this time. Last year it was the financial end of things that tied Travis up, and I appreciate that in him because I am very emotion and don't always look at all of the big picture. So, now we both feel lead to adopt and have been approved to work with Bethany Christian Services.

Well, I finally took the plunge! I've officially started a blog. I never thought I would do a blog because who really wants to hear what I have to say! Just recently I found a VERY good reason to begin a blog though-Adoption! Yes, that's right-my husband, Travis, and I are beginning the adoption process. It has been a long and painful road to get us to this point, but God has been directing our path (Proverbs 3:5-6) toward this for over a year now. And I am so excited to be able to document our journey to our son or daughter.

I guess I should explain how we got to this point. I mentioned that it has been a long and painful road, and unfortunately, too many people will be able to relate or empathize with us. It all started January 18, 2010 to be exact, when Travis, our son, Landon, and I went to our first prenatal appointment in which we expected to hear our baby's heartbeat since I was 11 weeks and 2 days. When my doctor couldn't find the heartbeat and reassured us that everything was fine but the baby was just too small and moved too much then the worry really started setting in. My doctor sent us over for an ultrasound to put our minds at ease and that is where everything went downhill. The tech informed us while performing the u/s that I was pregnant with twins but neither baby was moving nor had a heartbeat. We were told later that our babies passed away 2-3 weeks prior because that is where their development stopped. Of course we were devastated. Our unspoken desire was to have multiples and then to find that we were pregnant with twins was amazing but made it that much more difficult to digest since that dream, which was almost a reality, had turned into my worst nightmare. So, my doctor wanted to do a D&C since there was more than one baby to ensure that everything came out. I had to go about my life as though everything were fine for 3 days before I had my babies taken from me. It was difficult to go for so long before the procedure knowing that our babies weren't alive, but it was also comforting to still have them with me. I know that sounds strange but it was comforting to rub my tummy and know they were there with me. I felt very empty once the surgery was over...different and yet the same. **I suppose I should have prefaced all of this with saying that God was our constant source of strength throughout the entire day and weeks/months following the miscarriage. This experience was the first time in my life where I have felt Jesus carrying me. He carried me for months, well He has been carrying me up until the last couple of months to be honest, as I've been too weak. His grace truly is sufficient (2 Cor 12:9)**
So, I ended up having the D&C and had complications from that and so 4 days later I had another D&C. As the months went on it seemed as though there had been too much damage done to my uterus to ever get pregnant again. We did find out though, through waiting, that everything should be okay. In that time though, God was really working on my heart and my husband's heart. We really felt lead to adopt to grow our family. It was hard to get to that point of being excited to adopt because it meant that I had to let go of my dreams and plans to have 4 children...plans that I'd had in my head since I was a little girl. I was faced with not being able to do something so basic and something that God made women to do-have children-and it devastated me. Through the tears and prayers and just crying out to God, He did give me a peace about not getting pregnant and expanding our family through adoption. Though it wasn't quite the right timing for us then....