SvennesPunkinPatch

Well, I finally took the plunge! I've officially started a blog. I never thought I would do a blog because who really wants to hear what I have to say! Just recently I found a VERY good reason to begin a blog though-Adoption! Yes, that's right-my husband, Travis, and I are beginning the adoption process. It has been a long and painful road to get us to this point, but God has been directing our path (Proverbs 3:5-6) toward this for over a year now. And I am so excited to be able to document our journey to our son or daughter.

I guess I should explain how we got to this point. I mentioned that it has been a long and painful road, and unfortunately, too many people will be able to relate or empathize with us. It all started January 18, 2010 to be exact, when Travis, our son, Landon, and I went to our first prenatal appointment in which we expected to hear our baby's heartbeat since I was 11 weeks and 2 days. When my doctor couldn't find the heartbeat and reassured us that everything was fine but the baby was just too small and moved too much then the worry really started setting in. My doctor sent us over for an ultrasound to put our minds at ease and that is where everything went downhill. The tech informed us while performing the u/s that I was pregnant with twins but neither baby was moving nor had a heartbeat. We were told later that our babies passed away 2-3 weeks prior because that is where their development stopped. Of course we were devastated. Our unspoken desire was to have multiples and then to find that we were pregnant with twins was amazing but made it that much more difficult to digest since that dream, which was almost a reality, had turned into my worst nightmare. So, my doctor wanted to do a D&C since there was more than one baby to ensure that everything came out. I had to go about my life as though everything were fine for 3 days before I had my babies taken from me. It was difficult to go for so long before the procedure knowing that our babies weren't alive, but it was also comforting to still have them with me. I know that sounds strange but it was comforting to rub my tummy and know they were there with me. I felt very empty once the surgery was over...different and yet the same. **I suppose I should have prefaced all of this with saying that God was our constant source of strength throughout the entire day and weeks/months following the miscarriage. This experience was the first time in my life where I have felt Jesus carrying me. He carried me for months, well He has been carrying me up until the last couple of months to be honest, as I've been too weak. His grace truly is sufficient (2 Cor 12:9)**
So, I ended up having the D&C and had complications from that and so 4 days later I had another D&C. As the months went on it seemed as though there had been too much damage done to my uterus to ever get pregnant again. We did find out though, through waiting, that everything should be okay. In that time though, God was really working on my heart and my husband's heart. We really felt lead to adopt to grow our family. It was hard to get to that point of being excited to adopt because it meant that I had to let go of my dreams and plans to have 4 children...plans that I'd had in my head since I was a little girl. I was faced with not being able to do something so basic and something that God made women to do-have children-and it devastated me. Through the tears and prayers and just crying out to God, He did give me a peace about not getting pregnant and expanding our family through adoption. Though it wasn't quite the right timing for us then....