Randominity....

I have no clue if randominity is a real word, nor do I plan to look it up! I'm feeling a little random in my thoughts and what's been going on.

*We have been in Ankeny (Des Moines area) for 5 weeks now!! We are loving being back here, and so feel like this is where we should have been all along. We definitely feel like God is blessing relationships/friendships as a result of us being where He wants us.
* We LOVE our church, Willow Creek, and are so psyched to be back there as well! Landon is in AWANAs on Wednesday nights and is doing so well. He has memorized 6 or 7 verses already since we've been here, and just last night he got his first patch on his Sparks vest.
*Bella (Izzabella) has been sick 2 -3 of the weeks that we've been here. :( However, she is now on the mend and hopefully it will be a few months before she gets anything else!!
*Bella is pulling herself up on to her feet now and is loving her independence with crawling, which she started at the end of September. She is a happy, sweet 10 month old, and we are enjoying her!
*Landon's school work is going well-he can spell a few words and can tell you what almost any word begins with (as long as it isn't one of those tricky English words like knife or elephant!)
*Landon has made LOTS of friends, most of them being with the daycare kids since the people we are staying with do daycare from home. He has one friend, Victoria, who is the granddaughter of the people we are staying with, and he just LOVES to play with her. She is 6 and they get along so well! I was nervous when we moved that Landon would struggle with making friends right away and feeling lonely. Again, God has blessed in that area too. I ask him after AWANAs each week (mainly because he is the youngest one to be in Sparks-he should be a Cubbie but since he is in Kindergarten then we chose to put him in the higher class) if he has made friends in AWANAs and he always says yes. I ask who his friends are, and he always replies that they are ALL his friends...and there are like 30 kids in there. I am so proud of him the way he walks right into the room each week and finds a chair by another child and sits down like it is no big deal. I wouldn't have been able to do that as a 4 year old! It is becoming evident to me how BIG my 'little' boy is these days!
*I have had 2 baby appts since being here-the last being yesterday. I did the glucose test and the drink wasn't as bad as it was with Landon. I got a call this morning from my dr.'s nurse to schedule my C-Section. It appears as though Baby Svennes will be born on Tuesday, January 24th, if he or she doesn't come sooner. I was hoping that it would be on a weekend but they don't do C-Sections on weekends. So, it will be one day before his/her daddy's birthday. I doubt I will be making my hubbie's birthday cake this year for some reason. ;)
*Travis is loving his new job. He is learning more each day and really liking the extra responsibility he has there. He (and we) are LOVING that he only works 1 job. HALLELUJAH!! We have more time together as a couple and a family...it is wonderful! (And I am loving being with the kids all day as well! :)
*Our house STILL has not sold! :( I am definitely discouraged about it. While I know that God has a plan and purpose for everything (and no, I'm not trying to talk myself into it-I do KNOW that), it does feel like nothing will ever happen. The logical side of me says that since it hasn't sold yet then it won't through the winter. I know, however, that God can do anything, but I remind myself too quickly that it doesn't mean He will. We are frustrated with our realtor and how lazy he is, especially with us being away. I keep praying boldly that God would bring a buyer by a certain time/date and then that date is here and gone and nothing has happened. I know that God hasn't forgotten about it-it is done and dealt with in His book-we just don't know when that is going to be revealed to us. So, we are here doing what I am WORST at-waiting...patiently! Ugh! I don't like those 2 words together! God is in control and His way is perfect, regardless of what I want or think I know to be better. I just try to remind myself of that each time I get frustrated or down about it.

Well, that ended up being A LOT LONGER than I had planned, but I guess that's to be expected when I haven't posted in over a month.

Happy Thursday!

I have no excuse!!

I can't believe it has been so long since I posted last! It seems as though our world has been twisted and turned upside-down since May. Things have been good since we got Izzabella. She is a sweetheart and is blossoming daily, which is SO wonderful to see after everything she has been through and been witness to in her short little life. I am noticing how different raising a boy is from raising a girl! Landon was very content to be on his own (he still wanted us and to be entertained by us but it was different), while Izzabella NEEDS that feeling of knowing someone is there. It reminds me of how women always go to the bathroom in groups while men prefer to go alone. It is just funny, a little frustrating, but mostly funny to me. Landon ADORES her and is so sweet and loving toward her. He even let her play with his big puppy stuffed animal that he got for his 1st birthday, and he NEVER lets anyone play with it! He is very helpful and just such a sweetheart! We never would have planned for our children to be so far apart in age, but I love how it is working out!

And four days after we got Izzabella, we found out that I was pregnant! GO FIGURE!! It was just too crazy to believe and try to understand! We couldn't be more excited and ecstatic about this pregnancy and about this sweet little babe that God has blessed us with and is allowing me to carry. I will be 23 weeks on Saturday and am due on January 28th. So Izzabella and this baby will be just about 13 months apart! Yikes!! Things have been super crazy as a result though due to everything happening at once. I feel bad that I have been so distracted and exhausted and just not feeling well while trying to adjust and get to know Izzabella and I feel like I've hindered that process a bit due to everything, but I know God is in control and He planned to allow us to get pregnant and have Izzabella at the same time and He is working it all out.

Along with getting Izzabella and being pregnant, Travis got a job in Des Moines as a Senior Accountant for an insurance company. We are SO blessed for him to have this job as I will be able to quit daycare (actually, today was my last day of watching the little girl! Yay!) and he will only have 1 job instead of 2 and working very early hours everyday. Our only obstacle right now is getting our house sold. I'm getting pretty discouraged about it because we have had it on the market for 6 weeks or so and only a few showings and no offers!! We spent this summer updating and changing the house to make it look really nice and modern and this is just a bummer! I have been praying boldly that we would have an offer by Sept. 19th, which was Travis's original start date but he moved it back to the 26th, and nothing! I know that God has a plan for all of this but I just wish I knew what it was because we need to get moved to Des Moines since winter is coming and another baby and holidays and so on and so forth! I remind myself daily that this 'detail' of selling our house isn't one that has escaped God's attention. He provided the job and the salary for exactly what we NEEDED and so we know He has a plan for this too because He knows we can't carry 2 mortgages or 1 mortgage and rent. He knows!! And I do rest in that. I just get anxious at times since I have a little person growing inside of me that kind of needs a home, plus creates a lot more emotional responses from me! ;) And as of right now, Travis is in Des Moines finishing up his first week of work while the three of us stayed back to finish up some things. Next week we will join him in Des Moines. The only way that we are able to do that is due to the generosity and kindness of some very dear friends! I actually met Doug and Becky Taylor when I came to the Midwest in January '03. I didn't know anyone and my sister, who was in Peru during that time, knew them and loved them and they picked me up from the airport and let me stay at their home until school started. They helped me move in and I'd go over there and watch American Idol with them and Becky would make her DELICIOUS meals and they hosted a surprise b-day party for me. They really opened their family and home to me since mine was back in AZ. Anyway, Doug and Becky so graciously decided to let us stay with them as a family so we could be together while our house is on the market. We are so thankful for them, and are praying that the house really does sell soon so they aren't packing our bags for us! ;)

Since I updated last our family has grown even more! Trav's brother and his wife had a baby the beginning of June. They had a boy and named him Mason. He is growing like a weed and I have missed most of it due to again, the pregnancy, exhaustion and changes with having a 4 1/2 month old at that time. He is pretty cute though-got to see him last week and he was just giggling like crazy!! Such a sweetie! And then one of Trav's sisters and her husband had a baby just the beginning of this month. Her name is Chloe and is such a doll! She is so stinkin tiny and cute and sweet! I've gotten to snuggle with her a few times. One of the times I put her to sleep on my chest and her little ear made an imprint on me because she was snuggled in so well! I will definitely miss being in Sioux Falls with all of these sweet babes and our family!!! We also got to see my sis, her hubbie and my niece, Aniya, (they live in KY) over Labor Day weekend, which was awesome!!! My other sister's little boy, Krispen, turned one on Sept. 9th and so we made it back over to Rochester for his birthday.

So many things happened and so much fun was had! It really has been a busy summer and I'm hoping that things calm down! Ha! Oh, I forgot to mention that I also began homeschooling Landon the beginning of September. He is doing wonderfully! Today we have been going over letter sounds and figuring out what words start with what letter. I am thoroughly impressed that he figured out some of the words on his own since we are only working on the letter 'S' and sound that 'S' makes, but he knew non 'S' words even. I am really liking the curriculum we found. It is called My Father's World. I highly recommend it! We will get to observe an ant farm and watch a caterpillar turn into a butterfly! What better hands-on science and nature work could he get?!?!? Plus, it is all centered around the Bible, which is important to us and was the main draw to this particular curriculum.

So yes, I've/we've been busy and I know it will remain the same for months to come. Looking forward to what God has in store for us! Bring it on! :) Oh, no we don't know the gender of our baby because we want to be surprised at the birth...just feels right this time around! :)

Sometimes a good spanking is in order!

Ok, so I know I've been quiet for over two months-and for good reasons of which I won't be diving into today. And I don't like talking politics or anything, nor do I want to use this blog as my soapbox. However, today I am making an exception.

I have to say that I am disgusted by the politicians that can't seem to get their acts together in order to come to an agreement by next Tuesday. I am a Republican through & through. That being said I honestly believe that both Democrats and Republicans are at fault for this standoff. I keep hearing the word compromise being thrown about by both parties. Compromise means that both sides need to give-not one taking & the other giving-and both parties are guilty of taking with no giving.

I told my husband last night that they are all acting like toddlers who don't want to share & who only want what they want & they only care about themselves. We don't let Landon behave that way, and if he did he would have a spanking. So, yes, I think that all of those politicians need a good old spanking to make them straighten up, get to work & quit letting their pride and egos take over & start representing the American people and what is actually best for our nation & quit worrying about their own individual agendas. I mean seriously? Am I asking or expecting too much here?

And DONE!

Life is about to get really interesting!!

I said last week that we were possibly taking an unexpected detour on our adoption journey. This detour is actually the very situation that got us thinking about now being the time to adopt. I mentioned in one of my first posts that my sister, Crystal, and her husband, Chris, had contacted us about a child but it didn't work out and we were moving on. Well, about a month ago God re-opened that door. There is a child that is in foster care right now-he is 5 months old. We were contacted by my brother-in-law, Chris, about social services needing to have a Plan B (adoption plan) in place for this baby boy in the event that he would not be reunited with his parents. This Saturday we are going to Eyota, MN, to have the Plan B meeting. This meeting will determine who will adopt this little boy if his parents don't do what they need to do in order to get him back. If we leave that meeting with Travis and I being chosen to adopt him then we will work with social services here in SD to complete background checks and a home study and I'm sure lots more! That won't guarantee that we will get him even if we are chosen because it all rests on his parents and what they do/don't do. Oh, and his mom is pregnant again and so we would need to agree to take that baby as well (which we SOOO do)! So, that in a nutshell is the other situation without giving away too many details since we don't want to be too forward with all of this since it is a sensitive matter.

Another thing that will make things A TON more interesting is Travis and I will be caring for my niece, Izzabella, starting next week. I fly down from Rochester to AZ on Tuesday and then I will fly back with her and my mom, who is down in AZ for work right now, on Wednesday. I am closing daycare all next week to help her adjust as much as possible before I have to jump back in with caring for other children. Travis is also taking off of work (both jobs) as well to make the transition as smooth as possible. Izzabella is 4 months old and has been through plenty in her few months. We really feel lead to take this step and know that our families are supporting us in this. My family, since it is my sister's daughter, knows this is the step to be taken and Travis and I are in the best place right now to take on a 4 month old since both of my other sisters just had babies within the last year. It will be for an indefinite amount of time-basically until my sister does what she needs to do and can have her back.

I am definitely having some anxiety and stress along with peace that this is God's plan and His will for us right now. I'm stressing about finances because we've never had the cost of formula and we will now for Izzabella and diapers again. Then we are looking to get this other baby and his sibling. We would have to get a minivan. And for those that have them-NO OFFENSE INTENDED but those that know me really well know how much I don't like them!!! They have great features but I want to be a SUV mom, not a minivan mom!! I will have to surrender to it though. Then Travis's F/T job is becoming less and less stable. We are actually heavily looking at any accountant positions here in Sioux Falls, the Twin Cities and Des Moines-we have ties in all of those places. Travis's family definitely doesn't want to see us go and we don't want to leave our friends and family either, but we feel we need to be sensitive to where God may be taking us. We have just so much uncertainty in our lives' right now that we know God is working on something big and they are all kind of associated-all of the uncertain things God is working for one main goal and one big picture...I don't know how much sense that makes being written out but it makes sense in my head! All that being said, we do have a peace because we know it isn't a coincidence that all of this is happening all at the same time...it is clear God is working!! It's an awesome feeling to be in a situation and to feel Him at work...like nothing else!! :)

So, that is 'us' and where we are right now. I'm excited to see where God takes us in the coming months!!! One of my sisters-in-law said yesterday "When it rains, it pours...babies!!" We laughed because this is such a crazy, wonderful situation to be in right now. Having been faced with infertility and the idea that Landon's feet would be the last to do the little 'pitter-patter' on our floors just broke our hearts. Now we are almost being faced with too many children...what a blessing! We know God will work out the finances and give me the patience that I will need to watch so many little ones if that is the route this goes. We are just waiting....anxiously waiting, but waiting nonetheless.

Mother's Day

My Mother's Day was wonderful! My hubbie got up early and made french toast, sausage & eggs for breakfast. Then Landon and Travis gave me my presents-which were a new coffee rug for the kitchen, red canisters for baking ingredients and wall plaques with the coffee theme (I'm changing the theme of my kitchen from roses to coffee). I was so excited!! Then after church we went over to my wonderful sis-in-law's, Karla and her hubbie Kelly, for some ribs & chicken, cheesy hashbrowns, rolls, an awesome salad and I made some cute spring themed cupcakes. We spent all afternoon over there with Karla & Kelly and Trav's brother, Darin and his wife, Jerilyn. Karla, Jerilyn and I spent the afternoon talking labor and babies because Karla and Jerilyn are both expecting their first children this summer. It was lots of fun! It really was a great day!

Even through all of the goings-on of the day, one main thought kept running through my head. That thought was about how blessed I truly am. I started thinking about it that morning when my husband was praying for our breakfast and thanking the Lord for me and all that I do and he had so much praise for me. In that moment, I was truly humbled. I felt humbled because it was through that praise for me that I realized just how inadequate I was and how gracious my husband was for saying I did this and that and was this and that but I really didn't see that. All I could see was my intense need for Christ and how I am utterly dependent on Him to try and fill the shoes that my family needs me to fill. I see my need for a Savior even more because I know I can't live up to the expectations put on me without my Savior. I fail every time when I try to be a wife and mother in my own strength. When I complain, gripe or have a bad attitude about serving or ministering to my family, I pray that God will work in spite of me to show them Christ. I feel unworthy of the praise and feel even more of a need to praise my God, who is worthy and who is everything that we sing about. One song that demonstrates this is the Aaron Shust song, "My Savior, My God". So, now you can see why I am so humbled and so blessed-I have a wonderful family and an Awesome God!!

'Labor Pains!'

So, I was told by a friend that was adopting that there can be frustrations, problems, delays, etc. during the adoption process and she dubbed those hiccups as 'labor pains'. I can say that last week I experienced some of those 'labor pains' for the first time. The last time I gave an update about the adoption I had mentioned we had to wait 6-8 weeks for our FBI fingerprinting to come back and there may have been a problem with them since we left 3 fields blank on the cards and so it could take a little longer.

On Thursday last week our adoption social worker contacted us to let us know that we only had 4 forms left to turn in. We were aware of that and even had all of them filled out but were waiting to turn them in just in case we left something off of the other forms then we could turn it all in at once; besides, we had the time to wait to turn them in since last Monday just marked the 6th week of our fingerprinting being received...or so we thought! I was curious about her wording in saying that we only had 4 forms out and so I asked her if the FBI prints had come back yet. She responded and said that yes they were back and have been since April 7th!! Seriously??? 21 days?? They had been back for 3 full weeks and no one contacted us to make us aware of that even though they had commented on how on top of things we were and how we were just flying through the paperwork and getting it all turned in very quickly.

So, I had me a little bit of a breakdown and cried for moment. Then after some encouragement from a dear friend, who has been through the adoption process and could relate, I gathered myself and realized that everything was working out how it should. It was hard for me to swallow that, and you may be thinking "So? What's the big deal? Get over it!! At least they came in after 3 weeks and not 6-8! Be thankful!" (If you are thinking that then you aren't alone because I was telling myself all of that!) The reason it was difficult was because from the start of the adoption we asked just how long each step would take and how long would it take to get to the 'waiting phase' to be picked by a birthmother. What I loved about the response was how we could dictate the amount of time it took-so we could be waiting to be picked 2 1/2 months out! I loved that it could take so little time since we had been already waiting to add to our family. This was also good news to me since I like to have control of things(it's scary how much I'm realizing that to be true!) and can get things done in record time when I'm excited about something (and I am excited about this!!). So all of that careful rushing to complete the other paperwork and the first phase did me no good, or at least it felt that way. Plus, we could have started our homestudy 3 weeks ago!! So that was frustrating as well since my timeline was all messed up now! I realized that even in the phase that I thought I was in control of that God really was the one in control! I was served up some humble pie, you could say! :) I'm thankful that God has it all planned out for His glory and His timing and that I'm really not in control. If I was in control then we may have missed out on an unexpected detour that we may be taking. I will update you on that later! :)

I'm back..finally!

Well, it's been a few weeks since my last post but it isn't for a lack of things to write about or a desire to write, rather a lack of time! Since I don't have the time to devote to an all-out update then I will just include pictures and tell you about our Easter.

We went to the early service at church since Travis is in choir and had to be at both services. Then we came home and took some family pictures using the timer on our camera. After picture time, we enjoyed a nice roast with potatoes, grilled asparagus and homemade dinner rolls. Promptly following lunch (since Landon was so anxious), Travis hid the Easter eggs and Landon got to find all of them, along with his basket.

It just so happened to be a beautiful day in Sioux Falls on Easter and so we spent quite a bit of time outside playing with bubbles and a toy rocket. Since Landon got two new swords in his Easter basket then daddy and Landon got to play for a while as well. :) We watched a movie together that evening and that's about it! It was a perfect family day! We had many opportunities that day to drive home the reality that Easter is really about Jesus rising from the grave and how we serve a risen Savior! It truly was a wonderful, blessed day!! Oh, Landon wanted to do a silly picture-so this picture to the right was the result :)

Hooah!

This post is in celebration of my brother-in-law, David, graduating from bootcamp today! We are SO very proud of him and excited to see him in this new role. He started bootcamp on January 25, 2011 and graduates today-so it's been a good amount of time. It's pretty crazy how it all played out because he had to leave his wife and newborn baby girl to start bootcamp in OK. Needless to say, it was not an ideal time for him to leave but they have all done so well (better than I could have I'm sure). God has definitely been at work while they've been apart to grow them and their love for each other.

It has been cool to read letters from him to us and other family members because he sounds like he is doing so well and like a whole new person...he sounds so grown-up! I guess the Army will do that to you though. What is really awesome to hear is that he even suggested that they have a Scripture reference put on the back of their platoon shirts and his suggestion was approved. So incredible to see God working and moving in a place that I thought He couldn't or wouldn't, but He has truly grabbed hold of David's heart and life.

So my sister, Brittany, my dad and my niece, Aniya, are all down there for David's graduation and to spend a few days with him. The rest of us wish we could have been there to see him graduate but we all are thinking about him for sure!! I know Brittany and Aniya are so enjoying themselves right now as they get to spend time with the man in their lives'. Unfortunately, they won't be able to have him with them permanently because he has to stay in OK for another 5 weeks for training and then they will be stationed somewhere and they can all be together. We are praying it's close so that we can see them often!

Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS DAVID!!! We are so proud of you! We love you and will continue to pray for you!!! :)

What I've been learning lately

So, have any of you 'bloggers' found yourselves in certain environments thinking about your next blog post? Pathetic, I KNOW!! Anyhow, I found myself doing that exact thing during this Sunday's sermon. OK, before you start calling me a heathen or something worse, let me explain :) Our Pastor is leading our church through Romans on Sunday mornings. I am thoroughly enjoying it, as I do love the book of Romans. This week Pastor Dana preached on Romans 6:1-7, and it was such a wonderful reminder and such an encouragement. I find myself at times being drug down by sin and letting it take hold of my attitude or perspective. And even over a year after the first miscarriage, I still struggle with my outlook on that and wondering if I'm a "bad Christian" because I might question God. This passage speaks to all of us who have been crucified with Christ. Sin no longer can reign over us and define us-we are set free!! Pastor Dana talked about our Union with Christ and through that union we are made new. Our old self is gone-it was crucified with Christ-and through Christ's work on the cross and His resurrection "we too might walk in newness of life" (vs. 4) How awesome is that!! We gain a new lease on life because of Christ's work on the cross....we did nothing to earn it or to help us get a new lease-we actually made it go in the other direction, but because of God's mercy and grace, we have gained. It is comforting to me to reread Scripture like this because I'm assured that I can't mess it up because I did nothing to earn it in the first place. It is only by Christ. And in dealing with feeling like I'm a bad Christian because I question God or have been angry or too 'emotional' this passage speaks to as well. Fortunately and unfortunately, the miscarriages are the hardest things that I've ever walked through in my life and in my Christian walk. And so this was the first time that my faith had ever really been tested, you could say. I was feeling emotions that I didn't think a "good Christian" should feel. It was through reading Job and talking to my sister, Crystal, and other wonderful friends and family that I was reassured that I wasn't in sin because I questioned God or was so broken-hearted. I made the mistake of thinking that the real Christian walk was pain/heartache-free because if you are in Christ then you won't feel that pain...what a misconception! I believe that it is through the testing and the trials that we come before God stripped of all titles and clothing labels and social status, and in that state is where God can transform us from old to new. It isn't until we are real in our walk with Christ that we can truly be transformed into the newness of life that Paul talks about in this passage. We can flee from sin, which is a result of what the Holy Spirit is doing in our life, and cling to Christ. So thankful for truths of God's Word like this! See Pastor Dana, I was listening even though I was thinking how applicable it was to what God was doing in my life and how I should write a post about it! :) So, what has God been teaching/reminding you lately? I would LOVE for you to share!

Stomach bug/ear infection, be gone!

So, we had quite the weekend! It started off really well-we decided to go downtown to the Washington Pavilion and check out Ag Day (Agricultural Day). No, we are not also embarking on farming along with adoption! It just sounded like something fun and different to do and it would get us out of the house. Plus, I met one of my friends, Kathy, and her son, Noah, there-Kathy and her husband are also adopting through Bethany and so we had a fun time chatting while the boys hung out. I would include some pictures but I remembered my camera once we were there and not a second too soon unfortunately! So anyway, it was pretty neat-Landon got to try to pet a baby sheep (I think that's what it was?) and shuck corn and lasso some horns on a hay bale-not sure what to call it since I'm not a country girl!

We got home and Landon 'helped' daddy buy oil and change the oil in the car. Then we just hung out and went to bed. Around 1:00 AM I heard Landon crying (which is so out of character because he is a PHENOMENAL sleeper) and so I go into his room and he is just balling saying that his right ear hurts. So I pick him and take him to the bathroom to give him some motrin because I was certain he had an ear infection. Within minutes of giving him the motrin, he starts throwing up all over me and the sink. It was sooo sad!! So, with the help of daddy, we get all cleaned up and changed and then head back to bed, except Landon doesn't feel like sleeping. He and I moved into the living room for a while and he continues throwing up for about 3 hours. One of the times he was throwing up, in between puking, he told the throw up that it was naughty and told me he hated throwing up and then continued to throw up...it was so cute and sad all at the same time! So, he and I made it back to bed for the rest of the night at 4:30. Needless to say, we skipped church for a few reasons. We took him to urgent care yesterday and he does in fact have a pretty bad ear infection. So we got some meds, and an icee, for our trooper and enjoyed the rest of our weekend playing Mario Party on the Wii and Toy Story Yahtzee for kids. I'm praying the puking does not return and the ear infection leaves quickly!

Where we are

So, now you have some background into why adoption and why now for us. We are in the very beginning stages of the adoption process. We received our packet of paperwork last Thursday and have been working on our formal application online and I will be submitting that today/tonight-as soon as I can figure out the size of our bedrooms (yes, that is asked because they want a description of your house). So, we sent off our FBI Fingerprinting on Friday before we left town to go to my parent's house in MN. However, we found out in our orientation on Monday morning that 3 spots, which were left blank on the fingerprinting cards, probably needed to be filled out. We won't know if they are going to want that information filled in for 6-8 weeks because that is how long it is taking them to process right now. Thankfully, if they do send them back and want the spots filled in then once they receive them back all filled out then they will process them right away...so we won't have to wait double the time. I still kick myself for messing them up though. I saw the empty spaces but the lady at the fingerprinting place filled out EVERYTHING else and left those blank and so I assumed (and we all know what making assumptions does :) that they were impertinent and I forgot to ask her and Travis is we should fill them in. Shoot! So, after my mild anxiety attack for messing them up, I am being much more careful to cross all t's and dot all i's, even if I ASSUME they shouldn't be crossed and dotted. :) Like I said, we did orientation on Monday and signed our contract and gave them the first check of many ;) Now we need to finish up with the background checks that we have and the other paperwork and all 3 of us have to get physicals done. Then we can start our home study once the fingerprinting comes back. My brother-in-law jokes around with me that they will find out about my drug dealin' days and I won't pass. There is a long standing joke that my husband's mom is the dealer in the family and once I joined the fam then I started the family business or something like that. See, if you know my mother-in-law or me very well then you know how far from the truth that is...so they like to hassle us. We can take it though...or get one of our 'clients' to handle them for us ;)
Anyway!! Hope everyone is having a Blessed Thursday and is soaking up this sunshine....at least in Sioux Falls it's sunny!

Continuing how I got to this point

I promise to be less long-winded this time around...I can be a bit wordsy :) And I also promise to keep it all in the same font (HA!) I'm usually pretty good with technology but it may take me some time to get this blog thing looking how I want it and functioning properly. So, anyone that wants to give a sista a hand would not be turned away!
Anyway! Going back to getting to this point....about mid-year last year everyone that I knew was turning up pregnant...all 3 of my sisters, one of my closest friends, all of the goochie girls (there was a group of 6 of us girls in college and we named ourselves that but that group can be talked about another time ;) and 2 of my 3 sisters-in-law. One thought that came to me was "Really God, REALLY???" Why were all of these important women in my life getting pregnant within months of me losing the twins....it was painful for sure! I prayed a lot that God would reveal Himself and give us some sign that hope wasn't lost and that maybe, just maybe, we could still have a large family. God answered that pray because I found out I was pregnant mid-November but we lost that baby on December 5th.
I don't say any of this evoke any sympathy or pity. I am only sharing all of this so that you can see the path and its struggles and to see what a transformation Christ has done in me and in my life. I really see a new 'me' emerging from the rubble, if you will. I hate that it took something so gut-wrenching and heartbreaking to get me to this state. I truly believe that had this not happened then I wouldn't be where I am right now in my walk and relationship with God. It took the miscarriages to make me utterly vulnerable, weak and broken; and in that state is where God really started molding me and making me into the woman that He wants me to be. As horribly debilitating as this past year has been I can honestly say that I wouldn't choose to change it. Do I miss our 3 precious babies? OF COURSE...that isn't even up for discussion! However, if this is the path that had to be taken for God to mold me and change me and make me into His image then I wouldn't change it. As long as He is glorified then it was all worth it!! What an awesome God we serve for me to be able to say all of this and mean it!!!
To completely answer how we got to this point right now of knowing that adopting was what God had for us is pretty simple....we were contacted by my sister about possibly adopting a child and God brought it back to the fore-front of our minds. It didn't work out to adopt the child my sister told me about and so we asked each other where to go next and what the point of contemplating the adoption of the child was if we weren't going to be able to do so and we talked and both agreed we felt God leading us toward pursuing adoption this time. Last year it was the financial end of things that tied Travis up, and I appreciate that in him because I am very emotion and don't always look at all of the big picture. So, now we both feel lead to adopt and have been approved to work with Bethany Christian Services.

Well, I finally took the plunge! I've officially started a blog. I never thought I would do a blog because who really wants to hear what I have to say! Just recently I found a VERY good reason to begin a blog though-Adoption! Yes, that's right-my husband, Travis, and I are beginning the adoption process. It has been a long and painful road to get us to this point, but God has been directing our path (Proverbs 3:5-6) toward this for over a year now. And I am so excited to be able to document our journey to our son or daughter.

I guess I should explain how we got to this point. I mentioned that it has been a long and painful road, and unfortunately, too many people will be able to relate or empathize with us. It all started January 18, 2010 to be exact, when Travis, our son, Landon, and I went to our first prenatal appointment in which we expected to hear our baby's heartbeat since I was 11 weeks and 2 days. When my doctor couldn't find the heartbeat and reassured us that everything was fine but the baby was just too small and moved too much then the worry really started setting in. My doctor sent us over for an ultrasound to put our minds at ease and that is where everything went downhill. The tech informed us while performing the u/s that I was pregnant with twins but neither baby was moving nor had a heartbeat. We were told later that our babies passed away 2-3 weeks prior because that is where their development stopped. Of course we were devastated. Our unspoken desire was to have multiples and then to find that we were pregnant with twins was amazing but made it that much more difficult to digest since that dream, which was almost a reality, had turned into my worst nightmare. So, my doctor wanted to do a D&C since there was more than one baby to ensure that everything came out. I had to go about my life as though everything were fine for 3 days before I had my babies taken from me. It was difficult to go for so long before the procedure knowing that our babies weren't alive, but it was also comforting to still have them with me. I know that sounds strange but it was comforting to rub my tummy and know they were there with me. I felt very empty once the surgery was over...different and yet the same. **I suppose I should have prefaced all of this with saying that God was our constant source of strength throughout the entire day and weeks/months following the miscarriage. This experience was the first time in my life where I have felt Jesus carrying me. He carried me for months, well He has been carrying me up until the last couple of months to be honest, as I've been too weak. His grace truly is sufficient (2 Cor 12:9)**
So, I ended up having the D&C and had complications from that and so 4 days later I had another D&C. As the months went on it seemed as though there had been too much damage done to my uterus to ever get pregnant again. We did find out though, through waiting, that everything should be okay. In that time though, God was really working on my heart and my husband's heart. We really felt lead to adopt to grow our family. It was hard to get to that point of being excited to adopt because it meant that I had to let go of my dreams and plans to have 4 children...plans that I'd had in my head since I was a little girl. I was faced with not being able to do something so basic and something that God made women to do-have children-and it devastated me. Through the tears and prayers and just crying out to God, He did give me a peace about not getting pregnant and expanding our family through adoption. Though it wasn't quite the right timing for us then....